Ok, so just the other day the Guitar-Muse Overseer and I were talking and he’d commented that I haven’t written about a guitar in a while, and that got me thinking. I haven’t, have I? Well after that I sat in my office with the lights out, laughing like a madman all the while as I deviously landed on this guitar I’ve had on the backburner since I’d written my personal favorite article, the Miller Lite guitar.
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the Dean Budweiser bowtie guitar.
No matter how cool the new Doctor Who insists bowties are, this one is just an eyesore I’ve only dreamed of forgetting. I mean really. What do you say about this? What demographic was this targeted for? Was Dean Zelinsky at a particularly rough point in his life at the time? Or does he just really dig Budweiser?
Heck I don’t know. The questions that come to mind could go on and on, so let’s just get on with it.
This guitar is actually very well crafted. I can only be left to assume that it was hand built by the messiah of luthiers. Notice how the body juts straight out at the neck with no contour or inward cut, effectively getting rid of that nuisance called high fret access. Observe at the bottom of the guitar, way off from where your hand is strumming the strings, the very effective placement of the tone and volume knobs which aids you in turning a simple tweaking task into a daunting pain.
The one lone humbucker with the lowercase “i” on it no doubt has unlimited tonal potential ranging from smooth jazz to crunchy, hard rock and I get chills just thinking about how well in tuned this guitar would be after any kind of use with that whammy bar. I’ll bet you could rip loose on it like Vai or Satriani and it’d be right where you set it any time. No locking nut needed. I’m sure if it had tuning problems they would’ve put one on it, so don’t worry guys. Let loose with those windmills.
I would love to hear this thing. I’ve tried finding audio samples, but either they’re a bit elusive or I’m a moron and just don’t know where to look. I wish I could’ve been in the meeting when the development of this thing was discussed, not to intervene, but just to see how the minds of those with the power to green light this thing merged into an agreement. I want to know what happened. I want to know what the first words spoken were when they saw the finished product. I want to know how their facial expressions contorted as though the Taco Bell from the night before were giving them a piece of its mind as they forced out the words, “looks good.”